These Phrases shared by My Dad Which Rescued Me as a New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up among men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a few days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."